In my opinion, holidays are stressful enough with adding a housefire to the mix. Basically everything we do between now and the New Year consists of dramatically increasing the likelihood of someone receiving a second-degree burn, so it's good to brush up on the skills we learned when those firefighters came to 6th grade to bore us with their safety talk.  Danger #1: The Kitchen Kitchen fires spike around the holidays. In between cooking, answering the doorbell, filling guests drinks, and doing shots to quell your panic at your mother-in-law's impending arrival, things can go south quickly. And by "go south," I mean, "start on fire." Consider these tips to keep things safe in the kitchen:

• Designate a sober kitchen monitor.
• Make sure your fire extinguisher is up to date.
• Remember that not all kitchen fires should be treated equally.
• Uninvite your creepy uncle so he can't sneak up and give you shoulder massages while you're setting the figgy pudding on fire.
• Don't leave candles or cooking pots unattended.
• Tell your spouse that your mother-in-law needs to get off your back for real this time.

Danger #2: The Christmas Tree Nothing says "Christmas" like "Big beautiful pine firestarter," so keep an eye on your 9-ft stack of kindling, especially when you're covering it in electrical cords.

• Get a fake tree. They're less flammable, even if they mean that you aren't being serious about Christmas. Why don't you just buy plastic Easter eggs while you're at it?
• Water your real tree. A dried out piece of pitchy wood will alight much faster than a well-hydrated one. 
• Don't put real candles on your tree. Again, all it wants to do is be on fire. Don't enable it!
• Use LED light strings instead of incandescents. LEDs are much cooler. This is another "keep your tree from being on fire" tip. 
• Don't let your tree have alcohol. Alcohol is flammable. Your tree wants to be on fire.

Danger #3: Hanukkah  Geez, Hanukkah, you weren't kidding about this "festival of lights" thing, were you? When your religion requires you to literally play with fire, try these tips! 

• Get an electric menorah for the window, or at least take down your curtains if you're going with the real deal. 
• Cat-proof your menorah. Nothing is more enticing to a cat than the prospect of destroying eveything in their path, so don't give them such a golden opportunity.
• Keep all of those candles on a fire-proof surface. If everything in your house is made of wood, improvise! Aluminum foil can be very festive.
• Be careful with hot oil when you're frying your latkes. 
• Um, make sure your dreidel isn't too sharp? It's probably fine. Haven't heard of too many dreidel-related injuries lately. 

Danger #4: Lights in General No matter how you celebrate the holidays, it probably involves attempts to overload your electrical circuits. 

• Inspect all of your electric decorations before using them. Anything cracked, frayed, or containing loose or exposed wires is bad. Throw it away.
• Don't attempt to fit one million cords into one outlet. That's not even possible. Just plug a normal amount into each outlet. 
• Never string more than three strings of incandescent bulbs together. More than that will start a fire. We're AGAINST fires. 
• Read electrical safety tips from actual experts. 
• Learn to embrace darkness. Maybe it's not super festive, but it IS safe. As long as you don't trip on anything.

Danger #5: Travel Driving in cars is so dangerous. Just don't do it. Stay at home by yourself, monitoring your decorations for sparks.