Sing it with me! “It’s the MOST trau-mat-ic tiiiiime of the yeeeeeeaaaar.” If you’re an animal.

Yes, nothing says “blind terror” to a dog or a cat than nonstop loud noises and bright lights for a week, and the 48 hours around the actual 4th can be downright unbearable for our animal friends and animal family. My cats hide under the bed when our town's fireworks are going off, and no amount of treat-bag-shaking will get them out, which is alarming if you’ve ever seen how cats generally respond to the treat bag. The fact is, our animals simply don't care about our patriotic fervor and would prefer to be left out it.

According to the American Humane Association, July 5th is the busiest day of the year for animal shelters, which is mostly a result of animals running away in the midst of pyrotechnics and other idiotic human displays of frivolity. My indoor cats don’t ever go outside, so them running away isn’t much of a worry, but there are other safety concerns that should be on any pet owner’s mind as Independence Day approaches. Here are some top tips from the Humane Society and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA).

Fireworks Safety

• Your dog DOES NOT WANT TO COME WITH YOU to the fireworks display. As indicated in the beautiful song adaptation above, it’s traumatic for animals, so leave them at home, preferebly with closed windows and curtains! If you’re even thinking about bringing your cat, then you apparently have some sort of deathwish.

• If loud noises upset your pets (which you probably already know based on their reaction to thunder or the vacuum), do not leave them alone while you go out and light off firecrackers. Now is the time to hire an experienced petsitter, or call in the cat grandma.

• Some pets have so much anxiety about loud crashes and bangs that they benefit from being tranquilized. If this is the case, consult your veterinarian well in advance.

• Double-check that all ID tags are properly affixed to your pet's collar (the collar that you have made sure is properly fitting--remember that pets have weight fluctuations, too!) and that they have your current contact information, including cell number(s).

• Update your microchip registrations and pet license information to ensure they are current.

General Fourth of July Pet Safety

• Never leave alcoholic drinks unattended within the reach of pets. Alcoholic beverages have the potential to poison pets. If ingested, the animal could become very intoxicated and weak, severely depressed or could go into a coma. Death from respiratory failure is also a possibility in severe cases. Also, don’t leave your pets in the care of some jackass who thinks it’s funny to give drugs or alcohol to pets.

• Sunscreen and insect repellents designed for humans are not for pets. Only products that are specifically labeled for use on animals are appropriate for animals. I’m not trying to treat you like you’re stupid here, but it’s good to be specific. Especially with some people. Ingestion of sunscreen products can result in drooling, vomiting, diarrhea, excessive thirst, and lethargy. Insect repellent that contains DEET can potentially lead to neurological problems.

• Always keep matches and lighter fluid out of your pets’ reach. They don’t have the dexterity to help you start a fire, anyway. Some matches contain chlorates, which could potentially damage blood cells and result in difficulty breathing or, in severe cases, kidney disease. Lighter fluid can be irritating to skin, and if ingested can produce gastrointestinal irritation and central nervous system depression. If lighter fluid is inhaled, aspiration pneumonia and breathing problems could develop. Be explicit with your pets: NO HUFFING.

• I know it’s a holiday, but do not give your pets any hot dogs. Keep them on their normal diet, not matter how desperate they are for potato salad. Any dietary change, even for one meal, can cause severe indigestion and diarrhea, especially in older animals who have more delicate digestive systems and nutritional requirements. Just a reminder--onions, chocolate, coffee, avocado, grapes and raisins, salt, and yeast dough can all be potentially toxic to pets.

• Do not put glow jewelry on your pets, or allow them to play with it. While the luminescent substance contained in these products is not highly toxic, excessive drooling and gastrointestinal irritation could still result from ingestions, and intestinal blockage could occur from swallowing large pieces of the plastic containers. Do you hear me? NO RAVES.

• Keep citronella candles, insect coils and oil products out of reach. Ingestions can produce stomach irritation and possibly even central nervous system depression. If inhaled, the oils could cause aspiration pneumonia in pets. If your pets are mosquitos, I don’t really know what to tell you. You probably have bigger problems.